As early childhood educators, our crowning achievement is becoming less useful. We began the school year helping with almost every task. From managing the classroom to helping the children with self-care tasks, Caedra, Olivia, and I were integral to the function of Blue Jay. Over the first few months, everything shifted. We watched, beaming with pride, as the children began to master things that seemed impossibly hard to them at the beginning of the year. “I can help you with my words” became our go-to teacher phrase when we noticed a student struggling. “I can do hard things” and “every problem has a solution” have become our most popular affirmations.

We have just three agreements at school:

1. We take care of each other.

2. We take care of our space.

3. We take care of ourselves.

Keeping these agreements simple allows all of us (teachers and children) to flex our critical thinking skills and meet ourselves and our friends exactly where we are. How we observe our agreements changes as we learn, grow, and evolve individually and as a community. Throughout the year, children have jumped headfirst into new responsibilities. They’ve shown us just how much they are capable of, and our classroom has slowly taken on an autonomous life of its own as the Blue Jays assume more responsibilities and demonstrate more independence. Each and every one of our students is enormously capable – just take a look! How might you incorporate our school agreements into your child’s home life?

encouraging independence at home

Step One: Scaffold

It’s easy for children AND adults to fall into a routine. At school, we work hard on constantly scanning our school environment and daily rhythm for new challenges and opportunities for independence. Each one of our students has a different zone of proximal development, and we’re careful to integrate that knowledge into the myriad of activities and experiences that we offer. We scaffold new ideas and skills around tasks that children have already mastered. For example, once a child has figured out how to bring their plate carefully from the table into the kitchen, we begin to invite them to try the next step — putting uneaten food into the compost bin. Breaking down a single task (cleaning up after lunch) into multiple steps gives everybody, no matter the age and ability, the opportunity to feel capable, successful, and proud.

You can use this same method at home. Notice which tasks your child is doing independently, and explore whether there might be additional steps in the “intermediate” or “advanced” version. Your child might be ready!

Step two: check the environment

Set your child up for success. If they are working on clearing their place after dinner, is there a spot within reach for their plate to go? Do they have access to rags or child-sized brooms and dustpans to help clean up? Perhaps they’re working on getting dressed and undressed independently — check to make sure that their clothing is loose and easy to maneuver. Putting in the preparation allows your child to be successful all by themselves, which feels great!

step three: step back!

Take a deep breath, and give your child the time and space to do it all by themselves. Let them make mistakes, feel frustrated, and ultimately persevere! Each time you step in to do something for them when it gets tricky, your child receives the message that they’re not capable. There are also plenty of ways to help without physically doing it for them — you can try helping them with your words, giving them a “tutorial”, or helping them co-regulate before trying again.

It can be difficult to break out of routines, especially when those routines are centered upon a moment of care. When your child becomes capable of something new and takes on a new responsibility, it can feel like a loss of closeness with you. Make a conscious effort to replace that closeness with age-appropriate quality time. (“Wow, you put your shoes on all by yourself! Now we have time to pick a book to read before we get in the car.”)